Adolescence – 7 Tips For Parents With Rebellious Teens

Adolescence is an important stage in an individual’s growth.  Because during that period the foundation of our identity is laid. But many parents have a hard time accepting – or do so reluctantly – the process of an adolescent becoming independent. To them, their children are still children. So parents often don’t know how to deal with rebellious teenagers.

Teens usually believe that they are competent enough or that they have the initiative in their own hands. It is they who initiate this ‘disconnection from the family’. This is an inevitable stop on the road to independence or autonomy ( Lamas 2007 ). But sometimes this is a hard road. For the desire for independence can evolve into rebelliousness.

It is in this context that most conflicts between adolescents and their families begin. During these years, adolescents often blame their family members for their discomfort as well. After all, they get frustrated and have difficulty interacting with other people intelligently.

Therefore, it is essential that the family helps the teenager to find his place in life.  Family members should help the adolescent discover effective strategies to improve his or her relationship with the outside world. Because sometimes adults forget that teens in adolescence still retain many childlike characteristics as they attempt to interact with others in increasingly complex contexts. But we should not treat them like children. And that’s exactly where the problem lies.

Accompany your child

What causes the adolescent to behave strangely is his or her urge to explore strategies in an independent manner. Adolescents are trying to find their place in a world that little by little begins to open up to them. Also remember that at that age they still lack some knowledge about how to interact with others in external circumstances. Often they will feel lost. But they won’t ask for help either. Because that would jeopardize the very independence they are trying so hard to achieve.

Children can adopt their family’s strategies. Thus they become ‘prefabricated’ adolescents. But they can also abruptly break free from what they have learned and seek their own identity. It is vital for them that you guide them through this process. In this way you help them to be able to take the steps from being a child to becoming an adult. If the family is unwilling to participate in this process, then it will not be long before the teen starts showing rebellious behavior.

The family structure and adolescence

To demonstrate the influence of family structure on the emergence and perpetuation of problems in adolescence, we often use Fishman  ‘s description of  rebellious teenagers ( Lamas 2007 ). The rebellious adolescent grows up in a family structure characterized by non-closing boundaries and limitations. This is especially evident in families whose family members are intimately connected.

In this kind of family, everyone knows everyone. Weak personal boundaries often mean that these families follow outside advice. These family structures also have a low hierarchy. This feature makes the problem even worse. The children feel like the powerful members of the family.

Sometimes teens react to frustrations with excessive anger. They form relationships with peers and partners that are passionate, full of intense crushes, jealousy and breakups. The latter are then followed by spectacular reconciliations. This low tolerance for frustration can lead to rebellious teens who are constantly seeking conflict.

Various learning theories, in particular behavioral research, provide us with insight into this. The best way to raise healthy and functional adolescents is a childhood of success, but also of challenges and frustrations. If we never allow our children to be frustrated at not achieving certain goals, we will raise selfish monsters. For they will believe that they have a right to have everything, and just for the sake of being who they are. In some cases, this leads to rebellious teenagers.

More is not better

This parenting style is increasingly seen in the nuclear family. We think we’ll be better parents if we make sure our kids have everything. But nothing is less true. If we raise our children in a culture where we do everything for them, when they reach adolescence, they will not understand the new expectations we have of them. The children can then become problematic adolescents and tyrants.

Create a bond with your children

With this part of the article, along with the seven tips we’ll give you later, we don’t want to give you some ‘expert advice’. Rather, it aims to encourage parents to make connections and find a way to bond with their children and teens. In addition, not all tips apply to every family or every adolescent. They are also not usable at all times by the same teen and the same family. That is why you have to find out for yourself what the best way is to apply this advice to your individual situation.

If we have a positive relationship with our adolescent son or daughter, it will be easier to positively influence them. But this influence can also be negative if we don’t do it the right way. You should also remember that if you don’t have this kind of relationship, it’s never too late. Try to create a positive bond. To do this, it is fundamental that we know our child’s traits and interests. Because that way we will be able to bond with them. We’ll just have to step into their world. So we need to understand how that world works.

These seven tips can help you and teach you how to deal with rebellious teenagers

We will now cover these seven general tips. They can help us deal with rebellious teens:

• Set boundaries. Living together in a family requires rules that must be respected. It is also important that the child knows the consequences of breaking these rules.
• Invest time and energy to improve your parenting style. If we do this, the chance that we can solve any problem situation increases considerably.
• Be firm in making decisions. Also make sure you stick to what you say. We must set an example for our children and also give them the opportunity to follow it.
• Avoid making comparisons. Constantly comparing them to siblings or friends can damage their self-image. For that reason, they may start to display challenging behavior.

• Avoid unnecessary pressure. Teens should have their own goals. The task of the parents is to guide them in their choices. But we should not pressure them to achieve goals that we could not achieve ourselves when we were young.
• Accept that your children are not perfect. When our children do things wrong, they have to face the consequences. It doesn’t matter if that hurts us or if we feel obligated to protect them.
• Be honest with them. Sincerity is a tool that we usually don’t use much with children. Family relationships are so hierarchical that we sometimes forget some of the most effective techniques for dealing with teens.

You just have to be there for your teenager

In summary, we can say that adolescents are almost simultaneously suspicious and naive, hopeful and apathetic, communicative and closed, cautious and risk takers. Many teenagers are a pure contradiction but with rich shades – that’s why they confuse us so much.

Most teens worry about their social image. They either show this directly, or give the impression that they don’t care what others think. They appreciate our help. But what they value most is our trust and the opportunity to make mistakes. If we take this into account, then understanding them or worrying about them isn’t as important as just being there for them.

Bibliography

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