How Assertive People Resolve Conflict

Assertive people are neither submissive nor subservient, nor do they use narcissistic or disrespectful arrogance. Something that undoubtedly characterizes them is how efficiently assertive people resolve disputes or conflicts. They are people who are very skilled in defending their rights and they can relieve tensions and resolve misunderstandings in an original way, with the serenity of those who control their emotions well.

We all know that assertiveness is ultimately the essential ingredient to improve the way we communicate and improve the quality of our relationships. We know this very well, but often we lack the agility, the energy and the competence. And whether we like it or not, we are not born with it.

Many of us find it difficult to be coherent with what we think and what we do. Little by little we get more and more frustrated and feel worse and worse, until we finally react in the worst possible way. Assertiveness is above all an exercise in maintaining your personal dignity, which should always be present in every situation we encounter in our lives.

One of these situations, perhaps one of the most important, arises in relationship conflict. Whether in the workplace or on a personal level, there is always a time of day, week, or month when we are forced to defend our territory, our opinion, or even our own identity. Knowing how to handle situations like this without falling into submission or using verbal aggression is a priority.

Resolving Conflict: Five Strategies Assertive People Use

Fear of hurting others, not knowing how to express our anger or disagreement without attacking or blaming, fear of not having sufficient resources to get rid of the threads of manipulation… We should give further examples of all these exhausting emotions that affect our self-esteem, if we cannot be assertive and agile in our reactions, and in defending our rights.

It must be said that it is not easy to manage this from one day to the next. What is  clear, however, is that these things can be learned, trained, and performed effectively, as we understand them. Now let’s see what strategies assertive people use to successfully resolve conflicts.

1. Assertive people have a reason to exist

We could call it dignity, self-respect or self-love. We should all have a clear vision of what is important to us, what we want to protect above all else, that wax defines us, what is our raison d’être and what no one should violate.

We all have our values ​​that no one should trample on. We have our own history, a personal fabric that no one should attack or ridicule. We have the right to have our own opinions, our own passions, to defend our ideas, to be free, to act in accordance with our identity without harming anyone… All these dimensions are our motives, our raison d’être.

2. Resolving conflicts by speaking in the first person without being afraid

Often we have a certain fear of that personal pronoun that revolves around our essence, our raison d’être and our will.  ‘I think, I believe, I believe, I need…’.

When assertive people resolve conflict, they are n’t afraid to use that pronoun, they don’t hide or dilute it. Therefore, as an example, they do not hesitate to start their sentences like this: ‘I feel hurt, and although I understand your position, you must also understand that I am offended by your attitude, because you have not respected my rights. . I think we can resolve the situation between us by talking about it with more sincerity and respect.”

3. Assertive people don’t beat around the bush. They directly describe the harmful behavior or the central problem

When we want to resolve disputes, conflicts, or misunderstandings, the last thing we need to do is turn around and accuse, blame, or just emphasize how bad we feel.

It’s important to be direct, concise, and constructive, just as assertive people are. To do that, we need to focus on the core of the problem: ‘I’m disappointed because you didn’t take my opinion into account. If we’re a team, it’s imperative for me that you communicate things with me.”

4. Resolving conflicts by making clear and direct requests

Effective communication, which uses assertiveness, takes into account the need to make requests in order to resolve conflicts. Requests that promote a good settlement and that lead us to an agreement.

So, something that needs to be clear when we talk about assertiveness is that it’s not enough just to say how we feel. It is also necessary to bring the dialogue or discussion to a constructive end. For example:

• ‘I don’t like it when people yell at me, it makes me feel bad. Next time, use a less aggressive tone, a normal voice to communicate with me.”
• “I’m disappointed that you didn’t inform me of your idea. I ask you to think of me on future occasions so that we can achieve better results together.”

5. Assertive people accept that sometimes no agreement can be reached

Assertive people know and understand that conflicts or misunderstandings can not always lead to a happy ending or agreement between the two parties. Often the differences persist that separate the two points of view, the two attitudes, or the two opinions.

That this is so should not make us despair or anger. The good emotional control of assertive people in these cases allows them to accept these kinds of situations. Ultimately , we are not obliged to agree on everything, to see everything from the same perspective. The key is to know how to respect the other person’s point of view.

If a conflict does not end well and if the person we are arguing with does not argue, does not listen, does not propose anything and only makes insults and amplifies negative emotions, it is best to distance yourself . This is straight forward for assertive people, so instead of getting into nonsensical discussions, it’s best to keep calm and distance yourself.

It is often said that assertiveness is the balance between being submissive and crushing your opponent. Assertive people are people who get to know themselves a little better every day and who learn to defend themselves without being aggressive. Moreover, they gain in ingenuity, so that they can efficiently solve everyday problems.