I Will Not Allow Grief To Rob Me Of Who I Am

Today I woke up and felt sad. Sometimes I don’t know if it’s fear, discontent or disbelief because of everything that’s going on around me. I do not know. But what I  do  know is that sadness has overwhelmed me. In a society that imposes happiness as a law of life (along with the means of acquiring it), keeping these feelings of sadness and allowing them to take root within you is considered a crime. However, I will not allow grief to rob me of who I am.

For I can see that there is something beyond this sadness. And that’s me! And I’m the one who keeps it there. I’m the only one who is able to know if what I’m feeling is holding me back from being myself. Only I can know if what I’m feeling doesn’t allow me to see who I am, what I can control, and what I really desire.

But I am determined not to allow grief to deprive me of my essence. I will not act on anything my fear tells me to do. The fact is that sadness only exists because I exist. So it can’t be stronger than I am. I will continue to fight, even though the sadness is in my inner being and in my mind. Sometimes I will listen to it but only in case it has something useful to tell me. If not, I’ll just let it exist. But  I  ‘m the one who holds the power.

I feel sad and this is part of who I am

I am not a game that has fixed results. But I am a board where the black pieces coexist with the white ones. They are temporary sensations. Sometimes I hold on to them as if they are guiding my steps and controlling everything I do. And yet nevertheless my identity and who I am always dominate. What’s also interesting is that these feelings of sadness help me to learn something new. In my seclusion, with its cold and deafening silence, I build myself up. I listen to myself. Sometimes I need to feel this way so that I can understand things and grow.

While I’m sad, I won’t be able to decide anything. But the things this feeling teaches me I will keep until I feel a little braver. Grief has taught me so many valuable things. I don’t want to throw it away or make it disappear.

Give the sadness a place

I want the sadness inside me to swell. While I live, I want to hold it and give it its rightful place. I don’t want to force it. I also don’t want my feelings to be overthrown. All my feelings exist because they come from within me. I feed them and they are part of who I am. I am important to them because I am the reason they exist. In turn they make me aware of my existence.

I’ll just wait and see what happens. I wait to see what comes out of all this sadness. Shall I bite or fall? What I do feel now is that I am not just anyone. Grief is a special time when I am really connected to what I feel.

When I experience sadness as natural, creativity flows from every part of me. The greater the pain, the greater I am. Because for the first time in my life, my feelings support me, instead of the expectations of others around me.

Grief won’t stop me from fighting for my values

My beliefs are my compass. Everything else is just elements that I find along the way. I will meet people who confuse kindness with naivety, sincerity with brutality, and sadness with weakness. None of this will stop me from achieving my goals. Those goals, in turn, are a reflection of my values.

Every day I take another step towards this achievement. Some days my sadness will keep me from getting anywhere. At other times it will just seem like a breeze. And on other days I will go too fast and not learn much.

But one day I became aware that this emotion can improve my life even in the midst of the purest joy. This grief created roots and gave me the impetus to water them, nurture them, and grow them. And from this delicate mixture of sorrow and joy grew the most beautiful gardens of my life. They thrived in the care of their master gardener.