What Can We Do When We Hit Rock Bottom?

Reaching your low point can be very terrifying. If you’ve reached your limit, if this latest mistake or disappointment has affected you more than ever before, don’t let it paralyze you. Don’t be ashamed of it and don’t make a home of this personal, psychological hole. Keep pushing yourself forward and dare to make a brave choice. The choice to collect your dignity and not let yourself fall.

We’ve all heard the phrase “reaching your rock bottom” at some point in our lives. This may sound strange, but most medical professionals don’t really like this expression. Psychologists and psychiatrists talk almost every day with patients who have reached their limit. These are people who are convinced that at this low point they have only one choice left. They think that making a change and getting better is their only option.

But the sad reality is that this rule doesn’t always work out that way. Why not? Because some people are permanently stuck at this low point. There are also those who realize that secretly there is a darker, more complex level underneath. So that very widely known attitude can, ironically and unfortunately, backfire. This often prevents people from seeking help. They don’t seek support because the problem doesn’t seem serious yet. But this is the point where it’s easiest to find the resources you need to get better and make changes.

We’ve all hit rock bottom at some point, and it’s not easy to get back up

We have all fallen into a pit at some point and we all know it hurts terribly. A large part of the population has ended up there because of fear, despair or failure. They feel trapped, as if they are trapped in amber like a fossil. They lose their balance and, very often, this can lead to all kinds of mood disorders.

The idea that only the deepest despair can help you see the light and make you better is simply not true. At the same time, it is also not true that you have to suffer to live an authentic life. Pain can only teach you things and shine a light on something if you have the willpower and resources to allow it. So, as nice as that idea sounds, there’s no autopilot in our brains that puts us in ‘resilience mode’ when we hit rock bottom.

Philosopher and psychologist William James wrote a book called The Varieties of Religious Experience (1902). In it he spoke of a cave of melancholy. There are those who, without knowing how or why, reach their low point and yet are still able to find a ray of light that can lead them to the exit. However, there are also people who cannot get out of this melancholic place. It’s a place full of shame (how did I get here?) and a constant sense of hopelessness (there’s nothing I can do to improve this, it’s all over).

When we reach our lowest point, we should not give up, but get ourselves up and start climbing

When you hit rock bottom, you’re on the ground floor of discouragement. That’s obvious, but you shouldn’t want to go any deeper. Don’t let yourself fall into despair, which can only lower you further. Reaching your low point means you are in a place of immense loneliness. It’s like a cave where nothing happens. Your mind becomes tied up and your thoughts become confused, strange and obsessive. But always remember that you have a return ticket. All you have to do is take a step to see that new opportunities exist as well.

However, climbing up is very difficult as it means you have to overcome your fears. One way to deal with that is to use the downward arrow technique recommended by cognitive therapists such as David Burns. According to this theory, many people hit rock bottom because they are blocked. They suffer and feel lost. Most of the time, they know that they need to change something to get through this ‘stalemate’. The problem is they either don’t have the courage or don’t know how to go about it.

The main idea with this technique is to let go of any irrational beliefs you may have developed in this immobile, desperate place. The therapist chooses one of his patient’s negative thoughts and asks him a difficult question. “If this thought of yours were true and actually came true, what would you do?” The goal is a set series of questions similar to downward arrows, so that the patient begins to see why his ideas are wrong. The aim is for the patient to see, get rid of, and find new ways of thinking about their own irrational ideas. In other words: ways to change something.

The downward arrow technique in practice

We’ll give you an example. Think of someone who has lost his job and has now been unemployed for a year. There are some important questions you can ask to confront him with all of his fears, one by one. What would happen if you got a job again? What would happen if your partner also lost her job? And, what would you do if you suddenly had no facilities at all?

This may seem like a really tough exercise to go through. It always reminds you of the worst cases. But it’s also meant to nudge you and get you to react, confront, and debate possible strategies for dealing with desperate situations that haven’t come true (and won’t necessarily come true).

This exercise actually tries to show us that even if we hit a low point, it is not the very lowest point we can reach. What that means is that you still have time to respond. Once you are confronted with all these fears, you will see that you have only one option: to climb up. The decision to do this will really change everything for you.