Why Do Unhappy Couples Stay Together?

You have probably known a couple who at one point just argued all day long, with both partners not even showing any respect for each other. You’ll probably agree with me when I say that in such a situation, the first thing we ask ourselves is why these unhappy couples still stay together.

Things are not always as they seem in a relationship. Usually, except with close friends and relatives, people wear some kind of mask to some degree. In a relationship, for example, the one who seems most dependent may actually be the more dominant one in the relationship, playing the opposite role that you would expect as a spectator.

Indeed, when we have problems or see negative situations, our rational side reacts to them by avoiding these situations just to survive. However, there are now enough studies that show that fear or anger can also act as a kind of connection.

With the results of these studies in mind, we can say that in some situations, anger has more power to keep a couple together than infatuation.

When we enter into a relationship, we look for characteristics that make it a harmonious experience.  However, this sentimental argument does not always have a strong foundation. Difficult relationships are often built and chosen by both people and the choice to stay together is usually based on the following seven reasons.

1. Guilt Feelings

Some people stay in a relationship because they feel guilty about leaving their partner. Typically, these are situations where these people feel sorry for that other person.

2. Power games

When there are unequal professions or other unequal situation within the relationship, the less active person is often dependent on the other. This person just goes with the flow and even lets themselves be emotionally carried away. In this case, the person who gets carried away will feel lost without the other, the person who is “in the pants” in the relationship.

3. Not being aware of or unable to express true thoughts and feelings

Regardless of the image we may have of people, not everything is always ‘as it seems’. There have probably been countless times when something bothered you, but you had to restrain yourself so as not to lose your job, ruin a relationship, or just avoid hurting the person next to you, as well as yourself!

If we don’t feel or behave loyally to our values ​​or if our partner doesn’t behave positively, we can get frustrated and angry at ourselves for agreeing to this situation. By taking this anger out on our partner, we can give ourselves temporary relief, but after that the irritation and anger will just return, creating a vicious circle.

So by hiding, obscuring, or simply not speaking out what we’re thinking and feeling, we sometimes end up maintaining a “fake” relationship.

4. Supposed ‘Agreements’ That Have Not Been Officially Spoken

Agreements between two people that, although decided jointly, but are not ultimately officially recorded, can make the relationship dangerous if these silent agreements serve to allow or not allow certain habits, such as infidelity, large expenses, bad behaviour. Good verbal and non-verbal communication is essential for a healthy relationship, as is always being clear and sincere.

5. One or both partners believe he deserves to be mistreated

In most cases, adult voluntary participants are in a relationship, no matter how unhealthy the relationship may be. Both people can secretly get rewards from it. The most commonly heard arguments for justifying why two people stay together are children, finances, time invested, shame about breaking up, or the beliefs of both partners.

In relationships that involve emotional abuse, one of the partners may believe they deserve to be abused. This situation can change when the person being abused convinces himself that he does not deserve to be treated that way emotionally by his partner.

This new way of thinking and feeling will help this person learn to say ‘no’ and develop a healthy ego, which is necessary to overcome this situation. He will eventually become aware of the fact that no negative situation, misunderstanding or damage can justify his misfortune.

6. The hope that things will improve

Things can change, that’s true, but this isn’t usually a habit. This is even more true when the unpleasant situation is stretched.

There are plenty of people who choose to defend themselves with hope and the passage of time as a way to justify their relationship. In reality, however, if these people are unhappy for such a large part of their time, change becomes even more complicated if there is no compromise or determination on both sides.

7. Fear and insecurity about leaving the other person

In many cases, people choose to maintain a relationship even when they are actually unhappy, because they are afraid of making the wrong choice or because they are unsure of what their life will be like without their partner.

Emotionally healthy people know how to use their own resources in a positive way. When you are aware of all the emotional traits and situations that can cause us to get carried away and maintain a negative relationship, you are able to let go of the fear of being alone with your own frustrations and insecurities. You know yourself, you are aware of your own limits and what is even best is that you feel free to love people and to let others love you.