Jealousy Is Not Love
Jealousy is caused by insecurity, possessiveness and fears that distance us from love, pollute our relationships and destroy our freedom. This is why it cannot be synonymous with love. On the contrary, love requires that we free ourselves from jealousy.
It seems as if jealousy indicates a certain fear of loss, as if it wants to point out something important to us. The feeling serves to inform us that we are in danger of losing a loved one’s affection and attention to another.
How does jealousy arise?
Initially, jealousy serves to indicate that there is something in our relationship with someone else that needs to be resolved, such as open issues that we have neglected that leave us feeling insecure and suspicious. It could be just a warning that disappears once the issue is resolved, but it can also become problematic and pathological.
The idea that jealousy is synonymous with love is a widespread misconception. Being jealous doesn’t mean we love them more ; it simply activates our fears, which are often related to emotional insecurity. As people, relationships, and love mature, jealousy subsides.
Healthy and adaptive jealousy
Jealousy can be dealt with in a mature way, and as with all emotions and feelings, we can take advantage of jealousy in a way that helps to rebuild and strengthen the relationship, so that you can move forward together and overcome your difficulties. This type of jealousy is not imagined, it is triggered when we experience that the other person really distances itself from us.
When we feel that the person we love is neglecting us and drawing their attention to others, we naturally become jealous. The alarm is activated, which serves to mobilize us and expose our fears.
Let’s go back for a moment to our childhood. What normally happens when there are two children in a family of which only one gets attention from the adults? When an only child realizes that he is no longer the only child? This is how it all begins, with the intention of ensuring our survival.
Jealousy is healthy when we pay attention to this alarm and try to use it to grow up. Being aware of our fears—for which we alone are responsible—and being able to put them into words can help us intelligently integrate jealousy into the situation or context that provoked the feeling.
Problematic and pathological jealousy
This type of jealousy is more related to a lack of confidence, where you feel insecure in a situation, whether real or imagined. It becomes a problem when you start to interpret and assume, which inevitably leads to misunderstandings, because you are constantly amplifying the state you are in.
You are not seeking to resolve the situation or mature by becoming aware of your fears. Pathological jealousy traps you in fear and makes your response disproportionate to the action you interpret as a lack of attention.
Jealous people who make others jealous
Many people try to make their partners jealous as a way of measuring their love. These people strongly believe that this feeling will unite them and that without jealousy there is no love. However, this is nothing more than justifying the characteristics of childish love.
Through manipulation, the need for attention and constant displays of affection can lead to such a situation. They try to worry the other person, to make them feel like the relationship could be over at any moment if they don’t pay constant attention to them.
If we are able to understand the function of jealousy, what it does, what it tells us and how we can solve it, we will understand why it happens. And most importantly, we will know how to take advantage of it. We will be able to control it and we will no longer fall into its destructive grip.
