Empathy Is Not The Same As Sympathy

We’ve all heard of empathy  and it’s probably been explained to us several times that empathy is ‘the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes’.

In practice, however, this does not always work well. If it is true that we sometimes put ourselves in another place, it is usually because we simply agree with the person in front of us; that is, because we sympathize with him.

Sympathy

For that reason, we could say that sympathizing means agreeing with someone else and that you have the same values; we empathize with our friends and the people with whom we have something in common in life and therefore it is easy to put ourselves in these people’s shoes.

However, if this is true, then it will not be so easy to put ourselves in the shoes of people with whom we have nothing in common. That is why this is the weak link in this brief definition of the word empathy.

So, what is empathy then?

Empathy is a communicative attitude that allows us to build all kinds of interpersonal bonds, regardless of who the person in front of us is, whether we agree with him or not and whether we sympathize with him or not.

So in this regard, we can define empathy as the ability to respect the other person’s point of view, whether we can agree with him or not.

Empathy is not the same as sympathy

Empathy is based on mutual respect and in most cases, our personal point of view is not important here, as it can be completely opposite to the other person’s point of view. If the opposite is true, if we agree with the other, then we will sympathize with him.

How do we use empathy?

We put ourselves in the shoes of people who are different from us when we respect their point of view. In this case, we express our empathy, showing that we can understand their position, because we observe them from our own position without judging them. Some examples of empathy could be: “I understand that what you tell me is important to you” or “I understand that you may be upset about this, as it is quite unfair to you.”

Why do we express our own opinion?

In order to empathize, it is not necessary to express our own opinion on a particular issue, as to empathize means to listen, observe and respect another’s point of view.

Of course, there are plenty of other times when we can express our views, starting with expressing respect and empathy through assertive and appropriate communication.

Other misunderstandings…

Sometimes in our daily lives we feel that we are empathetic, when in reality we are only trying to appear good to others, to “please” others to get their approval. However, this does not mean that we put ourselves in them at all, because we only want to pretend that we put ourselves in them so that we can get something in return, namely their appreciation. And this, of course, is not the same as showing empathy at all.

In other cases, we simply agree with someone and show them that we care.

What does respect mean then?

Respect involves both knowledge and empathy, because we need to know and observe someone in order to respect their point of view.

Respect is based on the idea that we all have an equal right to decide how we want to live our lives, how we think, behave and feel, and that we don’t judge others based on these things. Quite the contrary, we respect them and the choices they make in their lives.

When we respect someone, it means we can understand their point of view based on their values; that is, we are able to empathize with another’s position without having to put ourselves in him. While our values ​​may differ greatly from his values; we understand where he comes from, we respect him and we express our empathy.

We may not hold the same values, but we do empathize with someone else by respecting their position without trying to change it.

To empathize with someone means that you share the same values, the same interests… Putting yourself in someone else’s shoes means respecting the way you differ from each other, without judging it.

When two or more people live together, respect allows us to do things our own way. Showing empathy means showing respect, without meaning trying to force changes on someone else that could change their core values. Therefore, empathy is a great tool within personal relationships, especially professional relationships and those that create distinctions between ourselves and other people.