Dealing With Ghosting Or When Your Partner Breaks Up Without Explanation
Many people allow someone into their heart on one condition: that they don’t break it. We take action and warn them about it. Yet they do it. They overwhelm you. This can happen when, for example, there is a breakup without explanation. Then it seems as if they used vanishing techniques overnight and just left. This phenomenon was called ghosting. There was no “we need to talk,” “I’ll call you” or “I’m sorry, this is over.” How should we deal with ghosting?
They say that all broken people are shaped by unresolved stories. The worst things that happen to us somehow keep spinning in our minds. There they evoke unpleasant remnants of that past that still hurts. But this type of breakup is sometimes more complicated. Because then we are not only made of unresolved chapters. Rather, we are left with endless stories, with shadows of people who left us overnight without giving a reason.
A new term, ‘ghosting’
We know the subject is not new. In the United States, it is customary to label each character trait. This behavior or dynamic is called “ghosting” . It is the act of disappearing from someone’s life. You had an emotional connection with that person until recently. This behavior is becoming more and more common. In fact, it happens so often that everyone starts experiencing it on average once or twice in their lifetime. Or worse, we can even be the ones who ‘ghost’ others.
It is often said that leaving someone without giving an explanation is a masculine art form. However, we must consider some aspects. Leaving someone without giving a reason is not art. But it is neglect of the other person and a sign of immaturity. Moreover, it is an act that is not performed exclusively by men. Both men and women use ghosting. In this age of new technologies, it’s getting even more widespread. Because now it is possible to end a relationship with a simple click and/or a simple block on social media.
A breakup without explanation and the fruitless search for the why
There is no written law that tells us to tell someone why before you leave them. No one is forcing us to have that last conversation, or list one by one the reasons for our decision and for the change. Nor have we signed a contract that obliges us to explain why our hearts no longer beat the same way or why the illusion of the relationship has ended.
That is the truth. No one sets the rules about what we should or shouldn’t do in an emotional relationship. But there is the sense of ethics, of moral and emotional respect, and of maturity and courage. These kinds of principles are not something we are born with. But on the contrary, we learn them during our upbringing. For this reason, many people have to deal with a breakup with no explanation and all that it entails.
The Psychological Effects of Ghosting
There is not really much clinical literature on all the psychological processes that the abandoned person often experiences. But we can still say that they almost always happen with the same dynamics. These are the processes that usually occur:
- The person is unable to believe that the relationship is over. Lacking a clear explanation, the person enters into a fruitless dynamic: he tries to re-establish contact and arrange a meeting. All this leads to even more fear, despair and the inability to move forward.
- Getting out of a relationship and knowing the cause of the breakup is not the same as being left overnight for no reason. The doubts, the attempts to rationalize the irrational, in many cases make the person feel guilty. He or she then thinks that they are the reason the other person left them.
- The mourning period can last for months. And it may not be over even after that time. The open wound and lingering doubt create a void in which resentment, frustration and mistrust begin to settle. This means that it is very complicated to start new or healthy, quality relationships.
How to deal with ghosting?
There are no decisions to leave someone without reasons. But breakups without an explanation happen more often than we think. So it is imperative that we know how to deal with ghosting. How can we respond to this? And the most important thing is how we can overcome it. Let’s take a look at some guidelines that can help us deal with ghosting in this case.
Accept the evidence
Calls not answered. Messages that are not responded to. Social profiles that are blocked. Days turn into weeks in which there is no communication, no contact or even less presence. The person’s contacts, friends and relatives avoid us and saddle us with excuses.
We can even look for even more hints. But this is very clearly proof that the other person has left you and wants to end the relationship. Try not to delay the inevitable. Move on to accepting what has happened. We have to say goodbye to the other person through his silence.
Acknowledge
They will tell you to “turn the page,” to “assume it’s over,” to “forget the other person.” But all this will come a little later. The first and most necessary step is acknowledging ourselves and what we feel. It’s time to recognize the wound, weep, express that pain, and rediscover ourselves, even though we may be broken.
We have to make it happen and let it flow.
Taking responsibility
No matter how hard we try. But it won’t always be possible to talk to the other person and find out why they ended the relationship. So that is a task that we have to take on ourselves. We are obliged to shape the breakup without a closing conversation. We will give ourselves a solution of that chapter. To do this, we must combine courage and responsibility.
- First and foremost responsibility for ourselves. Because when they have left us, the last thing we should do is abandon ourselves. We need to take the reins and recognize that we are 100% responsible for our own recovery. Because there is no return. There’s no point in trying to contact and beg the other person to meet or make plans to meet the person who left us.
Time and work: the control of pain and anger
After a breakup with no explanation, one thing remains, pain and anger. We must understand that these two dimensions do not fade on their own over time. Because they are stubborn. They attach themselves and can completely determine our lives.
So let’s learn how to deal with it. Because this also determines how we deal with ghosting. To do this we can start new activities and use the support of friends and family. We can start new projects that make us enthusiastic and allow us to channel these complex emotions. Because these feelings undermine our identity and destroy every new chance for happiness.
Focusing on the present moment so you can heal
When you are faced with a breakup with no explanation, you will end up stuck in the past and in the conditional tense. “What would have happened if he had done something else instead of that? What if he had said this? Why didn’t I realize that…?”
This form of reasoning is a source of undisputed suffering and prevents you from learning how to deal with ghosting.
- To overcome this pain of endless worrying and move forward in our grieving process, it is necessary that we leave room for the present. Facing the present moment with openness, resilience, and dignity will allow us to break the chain of pain that locks us in the past.
Finally, we have one more task. We must make our present suffering a constructive learning process. Obviously, little pain is as deep as the wound of abandonment. But our human potential can make it possible to get out of this. Because we can deal with ghosting. We are able to survive that breakup without explanation. We can keep going because we have the means to do it.
