Do New Communication Tools Have A Negative Impact On Our Relationships?

There is a unique quote from Peter Drucker that confronts the new means of communication of our current society: “The most important thing about communication is to hear what is not being said.” But how do you know what is not said if you cannot observe your interlocutor? How do you know if there is a communicative silence or an ordinary silence because he is thinking of something else?

As Drucker confirms, a conversation uses a lot of gestures, movements and grimaces that don’t contain words, but say a lot. However, by using our current means of communication, such as instant messaging or email, we lose these details. Our question is, does this affect the quality of our relationships?

The new means of communication

Undoubtedly, there are new means of communication that are changing the way we look at the world. What was once a simple conversation between people, or at best a phone call, can now be a WhatsApp group, a comment on Facebook or a 140-character Tweet. These are just a few examples.

So new technologies and their contributions have rapidly changed the way we communicate. Face-to-face contact seems increasingly outdated by the day. But while these changes offer excellent advantages, such as being able to communicate faster and more practically, they also have their drawbacks. Is a WhatsApp conversation just as effective as a face-to-face conversation?

According to David R. Olson, a prestigious cognitive psychologist, there are several factors to consider. Communication is based on three speech acts:  locution, illocution and prelocution.

Locution means the production of sounds, words and the meaning of a sentence. Illocution  is the power of a sentence. Prelocution  has to do with the effects a sentence produces.

Here’s an example:

• Give it to her. – Locution.
• They advised me to give it to her. – Illocution.
• They convinced me to give it to her. – Prelocution.

Locution is merely the act of saying something. Illocution can include different uses of the same phrase depending on how one understands what is being said. For example, if you say, “I’m cold,” it could mean that you want the other person to close the window, give you their coat, or let them know if they’re cold, too.

Another communicative reality in which the illocutionary act is lost

Olson  believes that speech cannot be accurately conveyed in writing. That is why he thinks that  the illocutionary act is lost with our new means of communication. That is, only the locutionary and prelocutionary acts remain.

Relevant aspects of communication, such as tone and oscillations, therefore no longer have a place. It is true that we can use exclamation marks and even capital letters to ‘raise our voices’, but we cannot interpret a person’s stress and intonation, relevant data indicating nervousness, anger, dissatisfaction …

This lack of illocutionary aspects in a conversation not only causes frustration or uncertainty in the receiver or recipients of the messages, but can also cause frustration in the person sending them. You may feel that something is missing that can help make sure the other person understands you completely.

The peculiarities of our new means of communication

Another peculiarity of these new means of communication is when we talk to a stranger. We cannot interpret what that person is like, because he is not in front of us. So it’s complicated for us to get a sense of what that person is really like.

We cannot say that this point is more or less negative. It’s just different. What is certain is that a lot of intimacy is lost and the illocutionary act disappears completely. In fact, this could even lead to false assumptions about the real intentions of the person we are communicating with.

Obviously, virtual communication is not worse than traditional communication, it is just different. Of course it can be positive for a lot of purposes. Today we already have video calling technology so that both speakers can see each other while they are talking.

When two people communicate via WhatsApp, or any other instant messaging method, we have to take into account one more aspect. If they already know each other well, some of the illocutionary act may partially remain. This allows the receiver to make more accurate interpretations.

Do our current means of communication lead to loneliness?

In reality, our new communication tools simply provide us with an additional way to talk to others. However, does this tend to damage the quality of our communication? The truth is that technology makes it possible to have conversations that we wouldn’t be able to have otherwise. However, it will always affect the quality of these conversations.

In addition, studies show that the growing sense of loneliness seen in today’s society is partly due to the increased use of certain media. We can see people on the screen, but it’s harder for us to feel around them. With a video call, we can look into their eyes, but we can never hold or touch them.

Use technology to communicate with someone far away, but not to talk to people close by. Take advantage of its benefits, but don’t let the downsides of technology harm your relationships.