Do Not Declare Love From Need Or Loneliness, But From The Heart

To the sparks and flames of love, our adrenalin is the oxygen—which our rational mind can’t grasp, or can get at all. We are therefore unable to control these passionate infatuation thrusts, or to intellectually determine where and when it should strike . It just happens, and it feels delightful. So unique that – at the same time – the nerves race through our bodies, in a stirring mix of excitement, fear and eagerly romantic daydreams. This state – of acute, overwhelming, spontaneous infatuation – cannot be feigned, nor concealed, and unwillingly withdraws from the laws of conventional logic.

This elusive, magical-attractive nature of love, also ensures that they never let enforce that they do not à la minute late summon, just because we are here and now to her desire. Indeed, when the French philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre pointed out to us that we – as human beings – are free, except for the existential fact that we are, irrevocably, undeniably, he forgot to add that experience, whether the sensation of infatuation is not chosen either; it simply appears, involuntarily, out of nowhere, willingly or unwillingly, regardless of the other circumstances of our lives.

A new relationship as a plaster on the wound of heartbreak

You are undoubtedly familiar with the terrible emotional pain associated with a break or separation in the intimate sphere, and from that very sour-apple experience you realize better than anyone how mercilessly drastic the impact of this (partner) loss can be. . The type of relationship that is consciously or unconsciously used to repress, or forget, the sorrow of a broken heart is known as the “rebound relationship. ” And that is why these first- aid courtships are often sought out and entered into as quickly as possible.

Not all relationships that arise (immediately) after a breakup or divorce are necessarily the result of this so-called rebound effect. Yet we like, and often believe, that such a surrogate relationship can, and will, alleviate or lessen our suffering. Unfortunately, this substitute strategy is not the way to truly heal your inner doom and gloom. Without being explicitly aware at first, or daring to admit it, we secretly expect that this new person will take away our misfortune, heal both our old and open wounds, and even make the scars left by our previous lover invisible.

The driver of, or behind, this type of behavior is (the fear of) loneliness, and emotional instability. We were so hurt that we didn’t venture to explore the raw edges, we hid our melancholy because it was easier than to feel our crying hearts cringe. In short: the broken relationship made us think right away that the remedy against this harrowing deficiency, against this wry deficiency, was a new relationship, that therein lay the promised fulfillment. Desperately we long for love again, in order to disguise the (most recent) transient past , and literally silence it.

The fear of being alone – of being single

Sharing your (daily) life with someone is by no means easy, but true love – in which all the puzzle pieces fall into place, and the relationship continues to grow and flourish – does exist. On the other hand, it can sometimes be difficult to find peace in, and with, yourself – especially when an imbalance manifests itself inside, which urgently needs our attention. Before we head headlong and at all costs, strive for harmony in our relationship, we must learn the (life) art of being alone (and all one); otherwise our relationships end up functioning only as insidious fata morganas, as illusory mirages.

The first step is to bravely face our (under the skin) fear: a lot of people don’t, or no longer love their partner, but still stay together from a paralyzing ‘anything than loneliness attitude’. And if we don’t understand this diabolical dynamic, this deceptive mechanism, then it is very likely that we will fall into the same mistakes over and over – from, and with, one partner to another.

The almost frantic fear of being alone is a problem that plagues more and more people, and prevents such tormented souls from letting the natural grieving process – which is inherent in a divorce, and that comes with it – take its recuperative course. In addition, it creates false images about loneliness versus freedom: being alone does not (automatically) mean getting old and bitter, and being together does not mean giving up, or losing, your autonomy or independence.

The charm of your connection

As we said before, the only person who can truly love you is the one who is one hundred percent ready, who does not want to fall into the same traps again, who dares to take risks, because his heartfelt feeling is greater than the fear . Therein lies the charm of the sudden pairing , of the meeting in which you seem to fit together so well that you have no choice but to give this mutual amorous spell a chance.

There are those — whose desire to be loved is so unbearably intense — that they allow their hearts to be overshadowed, shrouded in mist, by compulsively, and unrealistically, daydreaming about the perfect prince, or princess, on the white horse; while others are overly fixated on their routine minds, and only, or only after much deliberation, take action, without appealing to their actual feelings.

But love is a matter of passion, and of emotions, and as such cannot be measured or calculated. Those who feel (over their ears) in love (eventually) realize that they did not have to make any effort : this was – simply – and unforced, the most authentic moment for it, in which life, in its totality , threw this gift into our lap spontaneously, and couldn’t even do otherwise!

– song: Coincidence , Macaco –