Grieving A Breakup: Tools That Can Help Us

Just like any situation where you lose a person you love, grieving a breakup can be very complicated. When a relationship ends, many people experience a range of emotions that they cannot control. This is especially true if the decision was one-sided or if the other person disappeared without any explanation.

But grieving a breakup is very similar to other forms of loss. So this has a big advantage. Because psychologists have spent decades studying how to overcome a loss. So there are many tools available that can help us through a divorce. Now let’s delve deeper into this topic.

The stages of grieving a breakup

There are five stages in the grieving process of a breakup. Strikingly, they occur in a slightly different way than the phases that occur after the death of a loved one. But the basic structure is the same.

When our partner breaks up with us, it is normal for us to go through five stages of grief:

• Denial
• Fury
• Negotiate
• Depression
• Acceptance

These phases do not occur in the same order for everyone. A person may start with anger, then move to denial, and then fall into depression. Maybe another person gets stuck between bargaining and depression. He jumps from one stage to another for a long period of time.

The key is that we need to remember that all of these emotions are perfectly normal. In addition, we should also not forget that grief almost inevitably occurs after a breakup if there were strong feelings. So understanding what each stage entails can provide tremendous relief from the emotional pain.

We will now take a closer look at each stage of the mourning of a breakup.

1. Denial

This is one of the first phases that occur after a breakup. In the event of a divorce, the affected person may not be able to believe that the relationship is over. That’s why they keep pretending that the other person is about to come back any minute.

Depending on the person, this can happen in different ways. Some will see the breakup as nothing more than a normal fight. In these cases, the afflicted person believes that a reconciliation will come soon. On the other hand, there are other people for whom it will be obvious that it is a real breakup. But they believe that with a little effort they will manage to get their ex back.

Do you think you are in this phase? Then you have to open your eyes and see what is in front of you. For the denial of reality will only cause you more suffering in the long run.

2. Anger

Once the person accepts that the relationship is over, feelings of hostility and anger usually set in. These emotions play a fundamental role. Because they make the pain less intense.

These are some typical thoughts you may have during this phase:

• “I really didn’t deserve this.”
• “I’m better off without her.”
• “He doesn’t know what he’s lost.”

But this spiritual dialogue hides great amounts of resentment and pain. In order to continue with the grieving process, it is necessary for the person to realize that the ex-partner is a normal and ordinary person. He only acts in the best way he knows. Only then can you let the anger dissolve and move forward to the next stage.

3. Negotiate

In this stage, the person experiencing the loss tries to get their ex back in every possible way. They may use romantic gestures, pleas, or even emotional blackmail. This is especially the case with people with a certain personality type, such as theatrical or depressed individuals.

The only way to get out of this phase is to accept that your ex won’t come back. Because only then will it be possible to move on to the next stage of grieving a breakup.

4. Depression

At this stage, the person finally accepts that his or her ex is not coming back. But the process of overcoming grief is not over. In the depressive phase, the predominant belief is that you cannot live without the other person.

This is why some thoughts are common in this phase. We give you some examples:

• “I will never find anyone like him/her again.”

• “I will die alone.”
• “No one will love me like he/she.”
• “I will never be okay again.”

The person sends himself these messages. But mostly they are irrational thoughts. Because in order to eventually get over the grief, you need to accept that you will be okay without the other person. You also accept that the loss of this relationship is not so terrible.

5. Acceptance

The final stage occurs when the person finally accepts what has happened. Plus, he realizes she doesn’t need he other person to be okay. At this point, the affected person can rebuild their life. He can even start a new relationship in a healthy way.

The time it takes to go through the five stages of grief depends on each person. If you’re trying to get over a breakup right now, you need to be patient with yourself. You need to take things slowly and actively work on your recovery.