I’m Not Going To Change For You, I’m Going To Grow With You

Many people accept and believe that building and maintaining a romantic relationship requires at least one of the people involved to give up certain things in life. Some even expect to “adjust” to their partner’s  personality and change certain personal aspects.

We won’t deny that being part of a couple and maintaining a stable, long-term relationship sometimes requires small sacrifices. However, everything has a limit. The moment we feel obligated to change, we lose part of our being, and this opens a vacuum.

If we change our values, hobbies, or personality for another person, we don’t stay ourselves. We are also not honest with our partner, because we show a false reflection of ourselves.

To maintain a relationship, we must never allow our own rights or values ​​to be violated.  These are the things that define us. In addition, we should not demand that the person we love “change” for us or adapt to another’s own needs.

Personal growth and growth of the relationship

We must start by clarifying something essential: romantic relationships are not fixed or immovable things. None of us is aware of everything around us, of social relationships, work, family or of his or her personal needs. As a couple, we must be open to constant change, where it is necessary to constantly ‘update’ due to new situations and circumstances. That is why there is a ‘we’, which is sometimes confronted with an “I.”

One of the most common problems we encounter in a relationship is the need to harmonize our personal growth with the growth of the relationship. In a healthy, happy relationship, these two are linked and connected. How? Each person respects, understands and prioritizes the person he or she loves and each person can have their own personal space to grow and be themselves.

We could say that this process is a really strange paradox, because although we work every day to be a single, intimate and harmonious unity, we also allow ourselves to remain two independent units, suitable for enriching our individuality and that bring wisdom and inner happiness into the relationship.

Stimulating the growth of each person in the couple allows us to foster the inner balance, self-esteem and personal satisfaction necessary for the relationship to succeed.

It is therefore pointless to force someone we love to change. If I were to ask someone to be less outgoing and to socialize less with friends so that he or she would stay at home more often, I would actually be feeding his or her frustration and undermining his or her interests.

What’s the use, then, of promoting their discontent through my selfishness? No one can change the way they fit into your life. The point is to build, grow and move forward (hopefully together). Not to limit.

By growing with you, I find myself

Mature love is the foundation of healthy relationships. It is a conscious love, which is able to respect and love the other for who they are, without wanting to force him or her to change at some point. Anxiety and personal insecurity are almost always the cause of the need to control someone else.

“I hope that the other person will change this aspect of his personality, because then I can be sure that he will not leave me and that he will continue to fit in with me.” But people are not puzzles ; we are not individual pieces obligated to fit perfectly with others. Your corners don’t have to match mine, and your spaces don’t necessarily have to be filled with my virtues.

It would be better if we started to become more aware that we are all imperfect beings, looking for other imperfect beings with whom we can go hand in hand and grow every day. This wonderful process will certainly last our whole life, but in the meantime we can continue to grow as individuals. We will become wiser as we grow together as a couple.

Love is actually a process of constantly embracing life. It is an ongoing quest in which we grow ourselves, while at the same time we are concerned with the growth of those we love. All this will also become apparent from within ourselves.