My Father Taught Me How To Go Through Life

Children don’t come with a textbook, but my father overcame every obstacle and problem to rise above it and become the wisest person in my life. His hugs, his booming laughter and his warm gaze have always watched over me, and are carved into my heart forever.

It’s strange to see that most studies done throughout history have never attributed the value they deserve to fathers. Somehow their role within the family is limited to the person who brings the bread to the table, or as a ‘present but absent’ figure who ultimately does not interfere in the education of his children.

We all know that there are many different types of fathers and mothers. You have toxic and just extraordinary mothers. You have incompetent, callous fathers, and fathers who are true everyday heroes. You have parents who set the right example, who inspire and give the world to their children. Responsible adults who follow the model of their own parents.

Today we see a true attempt to reclaim fatherhood. Several studies do their best to push aside the concept of monotropy, which states that children supposedly only need a close bond with their mother in order to grow and develop. Today, attachment involves multiple people.

Our parents are indispensable figures who deserve recognition. Whether they left us long ago or are still by our side, we all know what their skins and hearts are made of: courage, quiet sacrifice and enthusiastic pride when it comes to their children.

The father as an emotional figure

We should not see parenting as a gender-based task. Sometimes even our language can be sectarian and exclusive. “My husband helps me with everything, he’s a great father.” A father does not help; it is a fundamental part of the family dynamic. After all, raising the children and maintaining the house are not tasks that belong to a certain gender; these tasks are interchangeable.

According to the Institute of Statistics in Spain, today we are seeing more and more single fathers. In countries such as the United Kingdom, twenty-three percent of all fathers are single. In 1993 the number of single fathers worldwide was nine percent, today it has risen to fourteen percent. These are single-parent families in which the father educates and raises the children just as effectively and happily as single mothers do.

The arrival of a baby and the biochemical changes in the father

Believe it or not, when a new baby arrives, all kinds of changes occur in the father’s brain. Women are not the only ones to experience significant hormonal changes, such as those that promote milk secretion or create a bond between the mother and the newborn. There are also complex ‘parenting networks’ in the father’s brain. Thus, the father’s brain participates emotionally and cognitively in the same way as the mother’s brain.

There are plenty of studies demonstrating these changes. When a father sees his partner with their baby in her hands, it triggers some very specific changes in him. Just holding and smelling his baby releases more oxytocin, prolactin and glucocorticoid and lowers testosterone levels.

This creates an unbreakable bond that is based on genuine attachment and is just as strong as the bond between the child and the mother.

For every sacrifice, for every night you’ve spent, simply for being there… thank you Dad

Fathers don’t wear capes; they are not superheroes. They have no magical powers, and they can’t make us touch the moon by pushing us higher and higher on the swing. But they do make us feel like they can – and of course, we choose to believe in them. One of their primary goals is to make us believe that nothing is impossible, and that we can achieve almost anything if we set our mind to it.

Not all fathers are equally good at putting their affection into words, we all know this. But they will watch next to our bed when we are sick. They will be the guardians of our good dreams when we are attacked by nightmares, and they will drop everything to come and pick us up when it rains. They have no plans if we ask them for a favor, no matter how old we are at the time… In their eyes, we are and always will be someone they need to protect and watch over at all costs.

Parenting and love go hand in hand

A father’s love shapes our personality. It gives us values ​​that we integrate and want to emulate in our own lives, a way of living based on the courage of sacrifice and love without asking for anything in return. This healthy bond you built with the person who met your emotional needs has shaped the brave and mature person you are today.

We all carry a lot of our father within us. It is a lasting treasure, which transcends us and exhorts us. So if your father is still with you, spend some time with him. One day you will wake up and there will be no more time to tell him everything you want and feel. Do it now.

Family is the greatest treasure

Images Courtesy of Snezhana Soosh