Relationship Addict: Slaves Of Emotional Dependence

Heartbreak is real, and there are thousands of victims in the last hour alone.  There are people who are addicted to relationships, who put their self-esteem and dignity aside every day  in exchange for toxic and destructive relationships. These people are characterized by a marked emotional immaturity that quickly turns love into something bitter and harmful.

Relationship addicts do not form healthy, happy relationships, they are in a hostage situation. In everyday life, these couples trap themselves in a cycle of suffering, constantly sacrificing their values, morals, emotions and principles.

Therefore, as is often the case with any type of addiction, it is not easy to break this habit. They feel the need to be with someone, to throw themselves at their feet and feel complete, strong and successful.  When the brain becomes accustomed to this dynamic, poisonous love becomes a veritable poisonous drug. It becomes very difficult to break the cycle.

How do you recognize someone who is addicted to relationships?

Someone who is a relationship addict is just like anyone else. They have careers, interests, love things, passion, good and bad qualities. We want to make a simple point:  Love addiction can happen to anyone, regardless of age or status, and it can arise unexpectedly. Unbeknownst to us, our current relationship may have some of those factors as well.

If we take a look at what romantic relationships are made of, we can realize a few things. First, there are two types of relationship addictions.  The first kind are the people who always want to be in a relationship. These people settle for everyone who is available, and think they are in love. The most important thing for them is that they have someone to love.

Second, there are people who work like a trap. The moment they enter into a relationship, they are addicted to it. They can’t break free even if the relationship is harmful, even if it tarnishes their dignity. Thus, the two species share a number of characteristics: the fear of being alone, the lack of identity and self-confidence, and a constant search for affection and validation from others. They both resort to extreme behavior to save the relationship at all costs, and become extremely anxious when it seems that things aren’t going perfectly.

All of these symptoms that we see in relationship addicts are very similar to those of drug addicts. The brain needs it, this “resource” that we get from our partner, even in a toxic relationship. In this way, at some point we are no longer able to regulate our own behavior. It can even become extreme: panic attacks, eating disorders, suicide attempts…

What can I do to break the cycle?

It is very difficult to quit smoking when you still have the cigarette in your hand. Likewise, it’s hard to get out of an addictive relationship if you’re still feeding yourself the same ideas. This emotional nicotine destroys our self-love.

Some people go to therapy and say they always fall in love with the wrong people, people who hurt them. It’s as if their brains are programmed to fall into the same poisonous traps over and over. Instead of learning from the past and their bad experiences, they return to the same situation over and over again. Why is this happening? Why is it so hard for relationship addicts to stop this behavior?

This is mainly because  they fail to see the consequences of their emotional dependence. Because they are vulnerable, with little self-confidence and an urge for affection, even if this is unhealthy. They have to solve some of the problems for themselves.

How do you deal with emotional dependence?

• It is important that you  recognize your relationship addiction, and its consequences. Be honest with yourself and admit when something is wrong. Open your eyes and accept reality.
• You must  understand that the emotional and physical foundation of all relationships is respect and self-esteem. Without those two, we don’t deserve to love anyone, or anyone to love us, because if we don’t respect something, it breaks.
• There is one more important aspect to understand.  Emotional dependence can manifest as an obsessive urge to be with someone, regardless of price or whoever it hurts. Extreme dependence hurts and humiliates us. It destroys our potential.
• We often see our wishes as a necessity. Behind the phrase “I want someone to love me” we hide other desires that we need to explore and understand. If we want recognition, validation, or a cure for loneliness, we don’t have to find a hostage to fill it up. We must be the one to solve these problems.

Relationship addicts need to dive in and ask themselves the simple question: Do I want harmful love, or emotional health? If they choose the second, there is only one way they can choose. It may seem simple at first, but it requires a lot of hard work. That path  involves working on your self-confidence, and on building a strong, brave sense of dignity – a feeling that will liberate you and help you form bonds that will enrich you. Instead of hostages, people will choose to share their lives with you.