Relationship Violence: The Story Of Many A Girl

This is the story of many a girl. A girl with no name, because there are so many. A girl who fell in love with who she thought was the best man in the world, a prince in a white horse. So she decided to become his princess.

And to become this, she renounced her freedom, her ability to choose, her smile, her friends and her family. In exchange for what she thought was love, she gave up her whole life  and left it to fate, which moves with a selfish heart that believed it could own everything, even people. Let’s take a look at how relationship violence occurs.

Boy meets girl

It was an ordinary day at the office. She sat at her desk doing her work in peace until a colleague came over to tell her about the latest news in the office. She usually didn’t pay as much attention to things like that. She knew that her colleagues could be a bit dramatic and that the gossip and backbiting were more novelties than realities.

When she looked at him she realized she was wrong. He was a man with brown hair, eyes as brown as hazel, and an enchanting smile. He wasn’t just any man; he was the perfect man. And so it came to pass that this  perfect  man went home on the same train as she. And that’s how they got to know each other.

Fall in love

Falling in love is not a conscious action; it is a feeling that slowly but surely intoxicates you. A feeling that starts with the hope of getting to know someone who has caught your attention, but who gradually begins to conquer your heart. The eyes may deceive you, but the heart is always authentic.

The perfect man also liked her and he didn’t hesitate to ask for her number. He waited for her so they could catch the same train, fearful that at some point during the journey she would need him and he wouldn’t be there. And then he asked her for a date. It was very romantic and everything seemed like a dream.

After a few days, he started texting her a few minutes after they said goodbye, as if her absence was the end of the world. It was all sweetness and love. He hugged her when they said goodbye, whispering the things he would miss about her. She felt like the happiest girl in the world because he chose her from all the girls.

Jealousy and isolation as forms of relationship violence

My best friend sometimes worries about the messages he sends me, that there might be a fear behind his words that she doesn’t like. I just think it’s very romantic that he wants to be in constant contact with me. He is my prince in the white horse and if he knows where I am, he can save me from any danger.

One day he got a little jealous because he saw me talking to another colleague, but this was nothing but another token of his love, of how important I am to him. He asked me if I liked that guy because I was laughing with him when we first met and he saw that my colleague and I were laughing together too. Maybe I was unknowingly flirting with him, so I promised I wouldn’t act like that again. I don’t want to lose him or upset him because he is so good to me!

Yesterday he called me and the phone said I was already talking to someone and that made him jealous because he thought I might be on the phone with another man. Maybe it’s all getting a little too controlling, but he’s so kind and good natured, and he’s only doing it because he loves me so much. So all I can do is forgive him. If he’s so worried about me, it’s because he loves me. If he always wants me to be this close to him, it’s because he’s never going to leave me.

My girlfriend gets mad because she doesn’t understand his attitude. He told me this is because she is jealous because she has no one to love her. He said she’s a bad influence because she sparks weird ideas in my head. Maybe it’s true that she’s jealous. It bothers me that they can’t get through the same door.

Last night I went out with my friends. He got mad, called me a whore and said I showed a lot of cleavage and dressed myself nicely,  as if I was out to find or seduce another man and that I never dressed for him like that. Maybe my clothes were indeed a little too naked, so I could understand that it was bothering him. I don’t want to lose him, especially not for something so stupid. I won’t go out that way again.

My friends don’t have partners, so maybe they can dress like that, but I do have one and  I can’t despise him that much. If he did the same, I’d probably get mad too. They need to understand that I can’t go out that way and if they don’t understand then they’re not my real friends.

Fear

I’m afraid of losing him. He becomes increasingly angry  and his demands are increasing. He doesn’t like how I dress, how I smile at other people. He doesn’t want me to wear a skirt or a v-neck, even if that’s what I looked like when he met me. I’m afraid if I do something I’ll push him away, the perfect man I’m so happy with. I can’t handle that.

He told me I love him very little compared to how much he loves me. How can I tell him he’s my prince in white? I’m just a girl, afraid of losing the perfect man that I’m lucky to have as a man. It would be so stupid if I let him slip because I’ve been so lucky to have him. Someone as imperfect as me, with someone as good as him.

Today I yelled at him in the street for calling me a slut. He argued with me because I had talked to an employee in a shoe store and laughed at a joke he told me. I was just being nice, I wasn’t flirting and I even did it in a very reserved way because I knew he was watching. He yelled at me for making a scene in the middle of the street, but I really don’t understand why he reacted like that.

I want to be able to tell this to someone. I need to talk to someone about it, but I’ve distanced myself from everyone I trusted, kicked them out of my life with false and false accusations.

I don’t want him to get mad either. I feel a little lost. I believe this is love, wanting someone so badly that the idea of ​​losing them drives you crazy  even though you know they’re not right. I don’t know, maybe I don’t know what love really is.

Aggression

He scares me and he hasn’t even hurt or touched me. He knocked over the table and slammed the door hostile and I just stood there, trembling. We argued because he saw me talking to my boss about work. He still doesn’t understand.

I don’t know what to do. I love him and I consider myself lucky to be with someone who is so perfect and loves me. But  I’m also afraid of his violent attacks and I don’t want us to hurt each other. Maybe I should quit my job so he calms down. After all, we now live together and don’t both have to work.

Maybe this is love?

This is not love; it is manipulation, control and dependence. No one has the right to tell you how to dress or how to do your makeup or who you can or cannot talk to. No one has the right to make you tremble in fear of his aggression, even if he doesn’t touch you.

The story told here is a portrait of psychological abuse. There was no hitting, but that would come later. The beating begins when the victim has become so dependent on his aggressor and so convinced that he has done something wrong that it is impossible for him to tell anyone.

It may never come to physical violence; as you can see from this story, it may not even be necessary. She is alone, at the mercy of him, and does everything he says. She will no longer be herself and become completely dependent on him. He is able to control her, so he doesn’t have to hit her to make her cling to him even more tightly.

This is the story of many a girl. Choose any name, because unfortunately there are many such stories. It could be your sister, your girlfriend or your girl next door. It could be any girl who thinks she is in love, but in reality is controlled and humiliated.

Don’t close your eyes. Help her see reality beyond her thinking patterns. Even if she wants to throw you out of her life, don’t leave her. Even though you may see her on the brink of collapse at times, don’t blame her. Remind her that she can count on you. Convince her to call 112 (in the Netherlands). She needs help to get out of that situation and if you leave her alone, she won’t be able to.