The Image Of The Perfect Family
We are overloaded with obscured photos in magazines, happy endings in movies and family photos in commercials. For all these things, ‘the ideal family’ is usually used . Often, however, we don’t even know what this means exactly.
Is there a magic formula to have the perfect family? To answer this question, we must first establish what perfection means within a view. How can we be happy with our family life when in fact we are all ‘imperfect’ or not aligned with the ‘social ideals’ of our time?
Married with two children: the perfect family?
In an advertisement for, for example, a medical company, a travel agency or a car insurer, we often see an image of a family consisting of a father, a mother, a little girl and a little boy. Of course everyone seems very happy. They cuddle and are all perfectly groomed. This is the idea of ’the ideal family’ that we are taught from an early age. This is the idea that we should all aspire to.
That’s why people feel free to ask you when you’re getting married if you’re in a relationship. They ask unceremoniously when you are getting married or when you plan to have children. And when the first child is finally born, they are already asking about the arrival of the second child. The ‘little ones’, as many would say. In a way, others with their questions determine the path you should take, based on what they consider ‘normal’.
We have passed down this stereotype of the perfect family from generation to generation. From the moment the girl helped with the household and the boy rolled up his sleeves to work in the fields.
Is it really possible to have a happy family?
To come close to the image we see in the commercials we talked about above, everyone has to be happy. For many, achieving overall bliss within the family may seem almost an impossible feat. Others see it as a goal that you should strive for day in and day out.
Consider, for example, Bruce Feiler’s affirmation in his essay The Secrets of Happy Families. To feel good, you need the people around you, the people who also go through life with you to be happy. One of the most common problems two people who have children together face is how to keep their little ones’ happiness from getting in the way of their own. This includes, for example, all those dreams and worries that parents put aside to take care of their children.
Working late, buying yourself new clothes, eating out or going to the cinema. These are all things that new parents suddenly don’t have time for, especially if they can’t count on help from their family, people who can lend them a hand and sometimes look after the children. How can we raise our children in a pleasant environment if we as parents ‘don’t take good care of ourselves’?
How can I get the ideal family?
Far from the standard of perfection that we envision, good families are not always happy at all. These kinds of families are nothing like the ideal family they portray on television, in movies, or in commercials. To start with, what stands out in good families is not happiness, but unconditional love. Siblings can argue with each other, but nevertheless know that when they need each other, they can count on each other unconditionally.
A good family is also a home, a place to hide. A place that will always form a basis for our lives. Because they, our family members, will always be able to understand our mistakes better than anyone else. In addition, they will always be most sincere to us. These are the people who will let us know without hesitation when they think we’re wrong. The people who are genuinely happy for us when we experience success.
Yes, that too. A good family is the family that laughs at each other and is each other’s memory when their brains fail. They give us memories of our first years of life, the years we can barely remember ourselves. They remind us of our stumbles when we were little, so that we will never forget the healthy habit of laughing at ourselves once in a while.
That’s why good communication is essential in any relationship, including the relationships we have with our family members. That way, both parents and children will feel happy, valued and understood.
Of course, there will also be times when this perfection is impossible. You will have to do your best to restore this virtue. However, we can learn a lot from adversity, especially if the family can get through it together.
Finally, we can say that the best families are families in which each member feels a part of the other members. Where bliss and pain are both sincerely shared. Where strength lies in their unity and in the moments they spend together.
