The Tyranny Of Positive Psychology
We hear them everywhere these days. You know, those popular expressions that are meant to motivate others, but that often mean nothing more than publicity slogans. Instead of helping, they make us blame ourselves for our problems. This is the tyranny of positive psychology, especially the style known as coaching.
Coaching is not psychology, and you don’t have to be a psychologist to become a coach. This trend has its origins in the advertising world and as the name suggests, a coach is like a personal trainer, a motivator supposed to bring out your maximum potential, without compromising your self-confidence.
Positive psychology is not just a set of expressions intended to increase the morale of the public. It is meant to teach us to live our lives in a positive way, without denying the existence of negativity.
Yet some people think that coaching and positive psychology are the same, using expressions that, if taken literally, can become very tyrannical, because they do nothing but temporarily cover up the problem. Let’s give a few examples of these kinds of expressions and how they would be viewed within positive psychology:
Do not complain
Don’t complain, life is all sunshine if that’s what you want. If you wake up every morning with a smile on your face, everything will go well. That everything goes well is clearly a choice that you have complete control over. By thinking this way, you will only attract positivity with the power of your mind and dispel the negativity and toxicity that can hinder you. Strong people never complain. You don’t want to appear weak… or human!
These kinds of examples, which may seem quite extreme, can be encountered in real life. In the context of authentic positive psychology, it would be better to say “try not to settle for complaining.” Not settling for complaining allows you to acknowledge the existence of negativity, giving you a chance to try and find a solution. This is quite different from letting yourself get carried away and pretending the problem doesn’t exist at all.
We’ve all experienced something that was hurtful or disruptive, but we were still able to resolve it. If you are in control of acknowledging the problem and eliminating it from your life, then you have no reason to carry on with it just because you want to maintain the image that you are always happy. The most important thing is to be happy, and sometimes to succeed you have to fight negativity, and sometimes even express it.
Use humor and love when confronted with the negativity of others
If your partner is in a bad mood, kiss him and tell him jokes. Your job is to pick up on the bad mood of others with a smile on your face; you don’t want to ruin their day anyway. They can’t ruin your day because you’re always happy. Remember that smiling will magically dissolve everything.
This affirmation is clearly trying to convince you that you need to submit yourself to others, and let your own negative emotions disappear. This affirmation tells you that your needs are not your priority, because the other person is much more important. However, this is far from true; you should always be the most important to yourself. Loving yourself and being able to express your feelings is important.
Letting others know how you feel, whether it’s good or bad, is very important. Being assertive in this does not make you a whiner. No one should deprive you of the right to be yourself, both in good times and in bad.
Love others unconditionally
When someone does something bad, it’s because he just didn’t know any better, or because his inner child was making fun of him. Forgive everything and everyone without asking for anything in return, people are impulsive. They are not rational, which is why you should not be upset when they act as if they are above you or when they take advantage of you.
In reality, however, people are rational, and they almost always act consciously. While it may not always be the case that they consciously want to hurt you, it is up to you to judge whether they are manipulating you or if they were just thoughtless and didn’t mean it that way. Trust your instincts and recognize the people who truly love you, but also recognize the people who want to take advantage of you. Remember that wolves can dress in sheep’s clothing, but that doesn’t mean that they are less true wolves.
True Positive Psychology
True positive psychology will not make you submissive or feel guilty about everything. Rather, it will help you to make yourself stronger when faced with adversity. It doesn’t deny that problems exist, but it helps you to face these problems and deal with them in a different way, one that is more focused on your own sense of well-being.
Positive psychology does not try to conjure or dominate the difficulties in your life with simple slogans. It strives to admit that life is indeed difficult, but the way you face it determines how difficult it is. Or in the words of a famous American writer:
