When Your Ex Picks Up His Or Her Life Again
For some people it is very difficult to accept that their ex is in a new relationship. Several factors could be responsible for this, such as still being in love with your ex, not grieving the relationship properly, or not wanting the other person to be okay before you are okay.
Finding out in some way that your ex ‘has taken his life back’ isn’t always good news, even if it’s been over for quite some time. Why is it sometimes so hard to be happy for that other person? What’s going on inside us that keeps us from leaving the things that happened? Is it a warning sign telling us that deep down we didn’t really want the relationship to end, or that we’re still secretly in love with our ex?
It is essential to grieve well
It may take weeks, months or even years, but we all have to go through the grieving phase (it has the same name as when someone close to us dies, but it means accepting that someone for us means will no longer be by our side). It doesn’t matter who ended the relationship, even for the one who decided to take this step, this step will have consequences.
This period is to help us adapt to this new reality, to understand that life is different now, and that everything that happened happened for a reason and an explanation. In other words, it helps us to accept that the pain won’t last forever and that we can still move forward even if this person is no longer a part of our present and future. He simply covered part of the journey with us and is now a thing of the past.
During the grieving process, it is wise to refocus on the things we love, to sort out our feelings and of course to see what we can learn from the mistakes we have made. No one can guarantee that even if we think we’re over it, we won’t be able to relapse, or experience moments of sadness associated with our loss, the truth is that our wounds will heal over time.
I’ve already mourned, why are my feelings still in ‘twin battle’?
No one ever said it’s easy to pass this test… we probably think we’re over our ex and don’t care about him anymore, until something (a word, a picture, a meeting) brings back all kinds of memories brings up. Digging so deep into our emotions and conjuring up memories from the deepest chest in our memory can make even the strongest person feel weak.
When we find out that our ex is in a new relationship, our emotions run wild and we don’t understand exactly why. “If I’d already forgotten him, why does this still bother me?” “Did he move on with his life so quickly?” “How can he get his life back on faster than I did?” “Now I’ll never be able to get it back!” These are just a few examples of the things we ask ourselves when faced with this situation that many of us have already endured.
We think that when one gets a new partner, everything else is left in the past, but it’s not that simple. There are plenty of people who try to forget their ex by starting a new relationship. These are the people who think they can’t be alone or that they need someone else to be happy.
Of course, there are also people who encounter their “soulmate” after a breakup, because during their grieving process they did their best to learn from their mistakes and understand what they were looking for in their relationship.
Just because your ex is now “occupied” again doesn’t mean that this “replacement” is better than you, that he forgot about you so quickly, that you were just a pleasant distraction, or that he never cared about you. It simply means that he has found a way to pick up his life and trust in love again.
Hearing that your ex is in a new relationship is good news
As hard as it is for you to see and accept this, the fact that your ex is in a new relationship is wonderful. Maybe you don’t really see it that way yet and you keep on criticizing yourself for everything you’ve done wrong, maybe you don’t understand that he was able to ‘replace’ you so quickly, or maybe this news shows that you are still not completely over him.
If you still haven’t been able to find someone who meets your standards, don’t give up hope, don’t get convinced that you’re worse than others, and don’t compare your own life to the life of others. your ex. Use this time only to get to know yourself better, to heal your past wounds, to understand the things going on inside you, and to refocus on your future.
If, on the other hand, you’re already in a new relationship and it still bothers you that your ex found someone new, it might not be because you’re still in love with him, but rather because you’re suffering from something that referred to as a ‘narcissistic wound’.
What does this mean? It means that our love for ourselves has taken a soft blow that forces us to accept that someone else has now taken the place that was once reserved for us. Jealousy? Envy? A little bit of both! Try to think clearly and try not to put your feelings before your thoughts. We all have the right to be happy and spend our time with someone who means a lot to us!
