Without You I Don’t Exist
When someone else is everything to you and you can’t imagine your life without that person, it feels like you need that person to be complete. Without that person you are nothing… or at least that’s what you think. Your constant thought is, “I don’t exist without you”. Perhaps you have felt this way or perhaps you are experiencing it now.
When your whole world revolves around someone you love and that person leaves you, your world shatters. Suddenly everything starts to lose its meaning. You feel abandoned, vulnerable and alone. You don’t know what to do or how to behave. That person was everything to you… and now you feel like you have nothing.
It’s normal to feel this way. If you have shared your life with that person, you will feel his absence for a while. But… do your life and existence depend on that person? What is it with this idea of ”I don’t exist without you”? At this point we need to think about the concept of emotional dependence.
My happiness depended on you
That emptiness we’re talking about can enter your life when a loved one dies or disappears from your life. It can be a mother, father, brother, husband or a close friend. It is something in life that cannot be avoided. Living circumstances, for whatever reason, took away the person who was everything to you. After this happens, it will take a while to go back to normal and accept the void.
But what happens when a person who is a big part of your life disappears from it? What happens if your partner is suddenly gone? In this case, if everything falls apart and you can’t move forward, you may be clinging to that person more than you should.
It’s impossible to keep someone with us forever, just like we can’t pretend all relationships are perfect. However, we cannot stop existing, stop taking care of ourselves, and stop thinking about ourselves after that person leaves our lives. We must always think of ourselves. Even when you’re with someone, you should never let your life, happiness, and well-being depend entirely on that other person.
If you believe that’s what true happiness means, you’re wrong. You have to be free and happy with yourself and with who you are. When this happens, you can share your life with another person, but you should never give them the strength to control it. Why would you suddenly let this person you love take the wheel and put them in the driver’s seat of your life?
Maybe you have low self-esteem, maybe you give everything you have. Perhaps you are afraid of being abandoned and you need to anchor yourself as much as possible in the search for the safety and security you lack…
Though you’re no longer here, I won’t surrender
To free yourself from that emotional dependency, you need to consider the kinds of attitudes that hold back your progress. The first thing to do is take care of your self-esteem. Love yourself and value yourself. You deserve it. Don’t put your life in someone else’s hands. Only you have the power to set the direction.
What else should we keep in mind?
- Don’t allow your happiness to be focused on just one person.
- Don’t put someone else’s desires before your own.
- If you only feel good when you feel loved by someone else, take some time for some self-reflection and see if you can change that.
- Don’t accept being with someone who doesn’t make you happy, even if you know you’ll suffer without them.
- Never let that person control your life.
It can be easy to confuse love and affection with need. This confusion usually brings nothing positive and the relationship turns into something that isn’t necessarily healthy.
You must be able to be at peace with yourself without needing anyone else. Learn to be alone and with this teach yourself not to depend on anyone else.
You may be afraid of being alone, but does it really help to be with someone if you’re afraid of walking alone? Maybe that other person will give you confidence and security, but the relationships that are built will be unhealthy and destructive.
Don’t set yourself up to be unhappy in life because it’s in your hands whether you’ll be happy with yourself or not. Free yourself from everything that holds you back and rediscover yourself and who you really are. You are the only one who will never leave you and you will always be there for yourself at the end of each day. You will soon be able to say, “Without you… I exist. Without you… I will still be me.”
–Images courtesy of Mijail Khonch, Claudia Tremblay, Art Spheric–
